March 2nd, 2010
This past weekend, I was in Florida for a long-time friend’s wedding. Now you’re enviously picturing me lounging on a beach under an umbrella, aren’t you? Yeah, that’s what I had in mind, too, when I first started planning this getaway. The horrible truth set in about three days before the trip, when I actually looked at the weather forecast: Naples in February ain’t exactly beach weather. I don’t believe it got above 70 while I was there. Pleasant enough, but not quite what I had initially envisioned.
By I digress.
The weekend was a blast, and involved two nights in a row of ten-hour slumbering. And if you’re not the mother of a toddler, you cannot truly appreciate the joy in that event.
I had, if you recall, purchased a fabulous dress for the occasion — a lipstick pink halter number that slinked and flared in all the right places. I squashed my seldom-worn contacts into my eyes, shaved an entire winter’s worth of growth off my legs, and even put on makeup. I looked sharp.
(I did not, however, take any pictures. This was deliberate. You know how sometimes, you think you look great, but then see a picture of yourself and realize you were mistaken? I didn’t want that to happen.)
In any case, I looked so sharp, in fact, that one of the other wedding goers actually copped a feel of my pink-swathed bottom. And no, my husband was not in attendance.
The would-be Romeo was a seven year old boy. Cheeky little fellow sat at my table with his mum and we struck up lively conversation (sort of) over dinner. He got increasingly wound up as the night progressed, as small people tend to do before crashing, and eventually was ricocheting around the dance floor.
As he went by one time, he poked me full in the butt. On purpose. I know it was on purpose, because when I whipped around, he proceeded to try to grab at the ruching on my dress, just below the boob. Yup, the kid’s a player. I gave him a severely arched eyebrow and suggested he might want to watch where he was touching, and off he went, much to the amusement of the gathered crowd of guests.
I wasn’t sure whether to be embarrassed, pissed off, or just a wee bit flattered.