Life Beyond the Blogosphere
April 6th, 2011
Last night, I had a small nervous breakdown. When I pictured motherhood, never once did I imagine myself standing outside my daughter’s bedroom door, holding it closed, while my daughter wept on the inside, begging me to let her out. Such was bedtime at our house last night.
But it wasn’t even the bedtime meltdown that brought about my own meltdown. It was staggering downstairs after getting the little savage tucked in (with a hug and a kiss and — finally — no tears), and being confronted with the nuclear holocaust that was my house.
All I wanted was to collapse in a little heap and decompress from a very long day. But everywhere I looked, every room I passed through, was cluttered with Things Needing My Attention. Piles of food-encrusted dishes in the kitchen. A stack of mail to sort and bills to pay balanced precariously on the dog’s crate. Toys scattered hither and yon. Innumerable items of kid clothes draped across the furniture. A full diaper pail in need of washing. And a cooler of empty baby bottles requiring refilling before morning.
I lost it.
Tears, a few thrown items, and more than one word I hope my kids never hear me say ensued. My sweet and supportive husband tried to reassure me that no one expects perfect housekeeping when you have two kids, but I was not to be mollified. He’s right, of course, but I’m not looking for perfect housekeeping. I’m looking for clean diapers for the baby and plates that don’t have meatloaf caked on them.
I went to bed cranky and puffy-eyed, but somewhere in the night I had an epiphany. (Somewhere around 3am when I was up with a fussy baby, I believe.)
I spend too much time on the Internet.
It snuck up on me, because I’ve never been much of a web-surfer. But in recent weeks, I had fallen into the habit of spending every minute of evening free time in front of my computer screen. I’d check email. Search for great pictures for blog posts. Update my Facebook page. Dream about the upgrades I want to do to my blog template. Read other mommy blogs. Pop over to post a few replies on a message board (or two, or three, or four).
And as a result, I’ve been letting things slide. Not just housework (though that clearly had gotten away from me). I haven’t touched a crazy quilt in months and weeks go by without my cracking open a book. I miss my other hobbies beyond the blogosphere.
It’s time for a change. I am consciously letting go of the self-imposed expectation that I blog every day. It’s hard for me to do because I dream of blogdom success and exposure (and because I like blogging), but I really need to take a step back. For now, I will aim to blog three or four times a week and am planning to institute at least a couple “screen free” evenings a week where I won’t even fire up the computer.
Now please excuse me. I have bottles to prep, laundry to start, a lunch to pack…and I think I hear the baby stirring.