In Defense of My Shoes
March 21st, 2012
My husband has four pairs of shoes – a pair of tennis shoes, a pair of black dress shoes, a pair of crocs, and a pair of brown all-purpose shoes he’s worn every day for the last five years.
I have eight pairs of black shoes.*
My husband doesn’t understand me. He mocks my shoes. I tried to explain to him that each shoe fills a unique (and vital) role in my wardrobe but I actually saw his eyes glaze over about three seconds into my monologue.
And so, if it please the court, I shall present to you my Shoe Defense, as follows.
Let’s start with the easy ones. Anyone can see that a pair of mid-calf, side-zip boots can only be worn in certain circumstances. And the outfits with which I wear the sexy boots simply would not (would not!) be the same if I was sporting a sedate pair of sandals or heels.
Moving to the next row we see three pairs of work shoes. The ankle boots used to be my winter dress shoes. But they’re getting a little scuffed. I still wear them with jeans if I’m feeling a bit posh but don’t wear them to work too much.
The middle pair are my newest addition and my go-to shoes for important meetings at work. I wear them with my Power Suit. Hear me roar! (Unless, of course, I know I’m going to be on my feet a lot, in which case I revert to the boots because they’re a bit more comfortable. But I digress.)
Last in the row are my summer work shoes. Comfortable, stylish, excellent with skirts. Can we all agree that I could not (could not!) wear black ankle boots with a skirt? Good.
(Objection, your honor, says my husband. Overruled.)
Next row. First up are a pair of lace-up oxfords. We’ve seen many good times together. I bought them when I lived in India and had to walk 20 minutes over mountain paths to get to work. They’re pretty battered and not as stylish as I’d prefer but they’re still serviceable and thus they remain.
Then come a pair of strappy sandals I bought to wear to a homecoming dance my freshman year of high school. From Payless. I believe I’ve gotten my money’s worth. And then some. I adore them.
Last in that row are a pair of Teva flip flops that my best friend compelled me to buy while I was pregnant with Miss Mouse. She was horrified by the fact that I insisted on wearing cheap Old Navy flip flops all the time and made me buy something with support. They’re wicked comfortable…
…and yet I still have the Old Navy flip flops. And do you want to know why?
(NO! — says my husband. Overruled! Please proceed.)
The Teva flip flops are too casual for some situations. They’ve got that little hand on the thick strap. I can get away with flip flops in some moderately-dressy circumstances, but not if they have little hands on the strap.
And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as I have just demonstrated — beyond the shadow of a doubt — all eight pairs of my shoes perform a specific, critical function in my life and all must remain in my closet. The defense rests.
*Umm…I actually have nine pairs of black shoes. As I finished this post, I remembered a pair of strappy wedge sandals with a silver buckle that are lurking under my desk at work. Shhhhhhh.