A Conversation With My Muffin Top
August 8th, 2013
Attention, Muffin Top. You are officially on notice. Your days are numbered.
What? What are you talking about? We’ve been spending some nice quality time together for the past several
You’re right. We’ve had a good run. But I miss my old pants. You know, the ones I wore before I got pregnant?
But your maternity pants have that nice stretchy band on the top. They’re comfy.
They are pretty fabulous, but when you’re not pregnant, they aren’t maternity pants anymore. They’re fat pants. Every time I put them on, I feel chubby.
There’s nothing wrong with a little chub. You just had a baby four months ago, you know.
I’m not saying you’re going to disappear overnight. It’s a process. I’m just warning you that I’m getting serious about shrinking you.
Hrmph. You know, this might not be as easy as you think. You’re no spring chicken anymore, lady. You’re on the wrong side of thirty to be shedding pounds willy-nilly.
I activated my trial membership at the Wellness Center and am going to not one but two classes tomorrow.
What?? *sniffle* How could you?
It had to be done, Muffin Top. I may never wear a two-piece swimsuit again but I am not – repeat NOT – going to spend the rest of my life wearing the size I currently do. I’m just not. So please begin planning an orderly departure from my life.
Fine…hey! Look over there! Is that chocolate?
I hate you.