The End of the Adoption

August 16th, 2013

25 months ago, we started down the path of international adoption.  Yesterday, we formally acknowledged that it wasn’t the right decision for us anymore.

There were lots of reasons that had been swirling around in the back of our minds for over a year.

I could talk about how what was supposed to be an eight-month process turned into a three-year process due to slow-downs in the system and how frustrating that’s been for us.

I could talk about how, when we left Pittsburgh, we left behind the support network we were counting on to help us during the transition.

I could talk about how I became less confident in my ability to parent an African American child in the wake of the Trayvon Martin shooting and the harsh realities about race in America that event has highlighted.

I could talk about how small our house is or how tight our budget is.

I could talk about my growing misgivings about adopting an infant despite my proven fertility when there are currently long waiting lists of families – many of them struggling with infertility – who are desperately waiting to become parents.  (It turns out that most of the orphans in the world are not cherubic healthy infants.  They are eight-year-olds with HIV or toddlers with special needs.)

I could talk about how tapped out we were, parenting three energetic children under the age of five and how the thought of adding another one approximately the same age as Little Bird to our lives a year from now left me wanting to hide in my closet.

At the end of the day, it was all those things and none of them.   Our hearts just weren’t in it anymore.  Our family is amazing and perfect and utterly fulfilling.

But it was really hard to walk away.  It was hard to let go of the financial investment we made in the process.  It was (and is) hard to shake a vague sense of guilt about not following through on what we had planned.

I just wanted to post this update since I know many people have been praying for us on our adoption journey.  Thanks for continuing to hold our family in your thoughts!

3 responses to “The End of the Adoption”

  1. Jaclyn B. says:

    You shouldn’t feel guilt about making a decision that is right for your family. Instead, you should pat yourself on the back for acknowledging how you truly feel, and making a decision based on that.

  2. K.C. says:

    One can adopt a child at any age, but one cannot make a baby at any age. You and Josh have been blessed with making three healthy, beautiful babies, and it’s a wonderful and wise choice to give them all your love and other gifts / resources at this time in your life. Maybe you can revisit adoption at another time, as many people who have such an abundance of love to give do, if it seems like the right thing. No one could have foreseen more than two years ago where your life would be now, and you have no idea where/how things will be five or ten years from now. Whatever you decide, now and down the road, will be the best thing for your family as informed by both your hearts and minds. <3

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